Best Friends

1.       I have a best friend from childhood who lives in Morgantown, West Virginia. We went to elementary school together and when my father graduated nursing school we moved away from West Virginia. As we grew up we saw each other during vacation as often as we could which was not that often. I remember one time; we were living in Pensacola, Florida and her parents brought her down to Pensacola for two weeks during the summer for vacation. We did call and write each other all time when we were in middle school and high school. Then when I graduated from high school I went back to Morgantown to visit her for a week. We don’t write, text, or call as much as we use to when we were little but we are like sisters. This past March I went to Morgantown again to visit her and we got matching tattoos. They are small and on our ankles. She has my initials (JLR) and I have her initials (BLR) tattooed in script.  We have the same middle name which neither of us realized until we went to get the tattoo done.

         We trust each other and know we can call each other no matter what time it is (even with the 3 hour time difference). In reflecting back I can see how our friendship followed the steps portrayed in the textbook on developing a friendship. When we were younger we wanted friends in school so we became a friend to each other which is the role-limited interaction step. As our friendship grew we played on the same basketball team and hung out together which is the friendly relations step.  As we grew up we would invite each other to our birthday party which is the moving toward friendship step. Our friendship soon hit the stabilized friendship step as we knew we wanted to stay in touch when I moved away.  Some may say we have been through or are in the waning friendship stage since we don’t keep in constant touch but I don’t think we are because we know if either of us has a major problem we can call the other and get advice.

Katrina

Friendship

1.        In the advice forum on http://www.friendship.com.au/ they have rules. For example they state, “Please refrain from using offensive, sexist, racist, homophobic or otherwise non-acceptable language”. These types of rules do reflect challenges to friendships that are discussed in chapter 10. On page 257 of the textbook it discusses trust in friendship. It states “a key component of close friendships is trust…Trust involves confidence that others will be dependable…and…trust assumes emotional reliability, which is the belief that a friend cares about us and our welfare”. As much as we can have online friends who we have not met do they really have a vested interest in our welfare?  I do not believe so. I think to have a vested interest in someone you must have talked to them on the phone or met them in person. There must be that emotional connect of bonding with the individual.

I agree the rules that the advice forum has are necessary to protect both individuals who do not have that emotional bond with one on another. Because if one individual responds to another person’s question online who knows what the response will be to the advice. The individual may take it in the wrong manner and be upset by the words of wisdom given because there has been no previous emotional bond between the two individuals.

Katrina

Investment

1.           In Chapter 8 the section on Investment located on page 198 of the textbook hit home with me. Since I will be leaving San Jose State University soon I have started realizing that I will be losing some friendships that I hold very dear and close. According to the textbook investments are defined as “relationships we could not retrieve if the relationship were to end”. I have many close friends who I have already started telling we have to keep in touch and visit each other. Some of the guys tell me well you call me and we will talk. I state it goes both ways you need to call me as well. They then state they don’t really call friends, but they will text me.

     In reflecting back on my time in college I realize there are many friendships/relationships that I have let go over the years for one reason or another. Mainly we have grown apart because they moved off campus after their sophomore year or they have left school and we never kept in contact. Those initial investments I will never regain as we cannot get back lost time. This is a reminder that not all relationships have equal investments. Just because I am friends with an individual does not mean he/she invests the same amount of energy as I do in to the ongoing relationship and vice a verse that I may not be the one investing the same amount of energy as the other individual.

      Investing in a relationship is an ongoing process and once you let go of that friendship it is difficult to get it back because of the laps in time. I can only advise to choose wisely and remember you get what you put into a relationship including friendships. If you invest your time and build a strong relation then you will have a solid return on your investment.

Katrina

A Conservative on A Liberal Campus

1.       Being a conservative in a liberal area makes it hard to discuss politics rationally. I understand politics gets very heated and many teachers at San Jose State like to impose their liberal view points on students.  However, if you start a classroom discussion you should be open to hear an opposing opinion. But no, instead I am told “I am flat out wrong”, my views “don’t make sense”, and I have even had an instructor tell me “your opinion doesn’t count”. I replied, “Then why did you ask for my opinion”? Treating a student with disconfirming responses makes that individual feel belittled.  I do get defensive in these types of altercations because I believe I am entitled to my own opinion and I am okay with people being democrats, liberals, republicans, independents, conservatives or anything else. Having various viewpoints makes the country better off in the long run.  

       I found it interesting that some students stated they disagreed with me but they did feel I had the right to express my views and the teacher shouldn’t be so demeaning toward me. Other students agreed with the instructor and took verbal jabs at me.  Five of six of the Gibbs defensive communication language which is found on page 207 of our textbook was used during the class discussion; they are evaluation, certainty, strategy, control, and superiority. The only one not used was neutrality.

Katrina

Confirming Others?

1.             Yes, there are times when I find it difficult to confirm others but I realize they are a person and are entitled to be recognized. As stated in the textbook on page 204 “the essence of confirmation is feeling known and validated as an individual”.   My mother works in the hospitality industry and has always instilled in us what she calls the 10-4 rule. This means when a person is 10 feet away you smile and recognize them when they are 4 feet away you say hello and verbally acknowledge them. There are times when walking around San Jose that I do not say hello or don’t provide recognition to an individual. This is because the person is acting in an abnormal manner. San Jose has several homeless and unstable people living around the campus. In fact one of my friends was attacked by a “crazy homeless lady” according to her. The lady physically attacked her as she walked by during the middle of the day.

      Chapter 8 does help distinguish between recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement in a chart at the top of page 207.  I think anyone can recognize or give recognition to any individual by simply smiling and saying hello. This doesn’t mean we have endorsed any of their ideas or beliefs or that we have acknowledged that they matter to us personally or have significance in our lives. It just means we recognize them as a human being and they exist.

        Confirming others as people means we recognize they exist. When we endorse an individual’s ideas or behaviors through acknowledgement we accept that we understand how they feel and believe in a given situation even if we may not agree with them.  A good example of this is having two professional football teams in the bay area. We accept people are either Raider or Forty-Niner fans some people even cheer for both teams. I am a Raider fan so I am not going to agree with my friend who is a forty-niner fan that his team is better but I understand and accept that he believes the forty-niners are better, even though this is not what I believe. We remain friends no matter the outcome of the game.

Katrina